July roundup, part II - Shoulder Surgery
I love Drew Brees. He’s my hero. I worship him so much, I decided that instead of wearing his jersey like your average lame-o fanboy, I’d make a real sacrifice. So I decided to get his shoulder injury!
Sadly, while the shoulder injury is for real, I couldn’t care less about Mr. Brees. I’m sure he’s a great guy, but having a torn labrum is the suck.
Your labrum is a ring of cartilage which rings your shoulder socket and helps keep the ball of your upper arm bone (humerus) in its socket. If the ball pops out, you’ve dislocated your shoulder. I’ve dislocated my right shoulder upwards of thirty times between a frisbee toss gone awry in college and the latest: attempting a throw during a jujutsu practice. I’ve even dislocated it by rolling over on it in my sleep. One of those times, the labrum got separated from the socket bone. The MRI results I saw last week showed about 1.5cm of tear. This last time, I’d popped it out slightly a week earlier, and it was still weak; I should’ve been taking it easy. But that would be contrary to my never-ending quest to wreck myself in stupid ways.
At least this time I’ll have a nice, visible scar to show the ladies (y’all like that sort of thing, right?), unlike my herniated disc or the tailbone injury I got while skiing, where all I got was a pair of purple buttcheeks.
It’ll be outpatient surgery, but I’ll have to go under for it, which I’m not thrilled about. I completely trust Dr. Holland but I just don’t like the general idea of being asleep while I’m being cut on. Recovery will take upwards of six months. Then all you punks better watch it ’cause I’m a-gonna kick your asses. You know what you did.
In the meantime, it sucks not being able to swim and practice jujutsu, which were my major ways of not getting fat before all of this. Now, I’ve pretty much got biking left. I did pick up a nice Italian road rig off of Craigslist a month back. I’m sure I’ll find a dumb way to wreck myself on that, too.